"At first I was expecting Him to show me my entire future all at once - maybe with a flash of lightening and clap of thunder thrown in for good measure. But I came to learn that God never shows us something we aren't ready to understand. Instead, He lets us see what we need to see, when we need to see it. He'll wait until our eyes and hearts are open to Him, and then when we're ready, He will plant our feet on the path that's best for us... but it's up to us to do the walking."
- Immaculee Ilibagiza, Left to Tell: Discovering God Amidst the Rwandan Holocaust
I had already told my friends and family that I was being sent to Rwanda. I had already started to think about what to pack. I had already signed letters of agreement, applied for a background check, and started fundraising before I realized what He had done: God had tricked me into being a missionary. He had lovingly and cunningly manipulated me into being a missionary before I even realized what He was doing.
As any oldest sibling knows, a little loving manipulation can go a long way in getting a younger sibling to do what you want. I like to think that I was pretty good older sister to grow up with but I will admit that I used the whole "being older and wiser" thing to my advantage... getting Kirsten to pick the Disney movie I wanted to watch, getting Anna to give the cooler dollhouse to me, etc. But I also used my trickery for their own good... getting Kirsten to eat her vegetables, teaching Anna to ride a bike. Likewise, God (who is more than just a little older and wiser) had been guiding me for His purpose and for my own good. He was sneaky about it, only revealing what He was up to when He knew I could handle it.
A few years ago, I went on a ten-day mission trip to Ecuador. It was a call that was easy to answer. Ten days almost feels like you're on a vacation and before you know it you're back home. However, it was a week and half that changed my life. One of the first mornings in Ecuador, I had lunch with a group of missionary woman from the area. They all shared their stories about how they had come to be missionaries in Ecuador. I was amazed by their stories of faith. The women were from all over the world; some had been in Ecuador for a few months, some for a dozen years. One thing their stories all shared: none of them had planned on being a missionary in Ecuador. It was then that I realized that what I had planned for myself might be very different from what God had planned from me. I wanted to embrace His plan but I was hesitant to let go of the reins.
I returned to Minnesota more aware of how God was at work in my life and where he might be calling me... but a missionary? No. I was going to graduate, practice medicine, and live right here in the U.S. That was going to be my ministry. I wanted to have a faith like those women in Ecuador but not necessarily be a missionary. Being a missionary meant moving somewhere far away, leaving behind friends and family, and getting sick to your stomach as your gut microbiota welcomes unfamiliar microorganisms that aren't present in the tater tot hot dish, lefse, and Lutheran Jell-o you were raised on. Nope. I could do God's work right here.
But God was at work on something bigger, guiding me through conversations I had, books I read, people I met. Some of these conversations were about Young Adults in Global Mission. These conversations turned into a call. Both literally and figuratively. God was calling me to forget about my comfort zone and submit an application which turned into a literal phone call from the ELCA inviting me to spend a year in Rwanda. You would think at this point I would have realized that God was calling me to be missionary. Nope, I just saw this as God calling me on a year-long faith-strengthening adventure. Missionaries, I believed, were very wise pastors who introduced people to Jesus. I am not a pastor, I'm not all that wise, and I am being sent to a place that already knows Jesus very well. So I was surprised when I arrived in Chicago for orientation in May that they were calling us missionaries. They told us that Young Adults in Global Mission makes up a third of the ELCA's missionaries that are abroad each year. They told us that in some situations we should not label ourselves as missionaries because in some places "missionaries" have done more harm than good. They reminded us that we served under Young Adults in Global Mission not Young Adults in Global Missions because there is only one mission we are after and it is God's.
With the new title of missionary I realized that this call is not about me and God's plan for my life. Rather its about how God can use me in His plan for the world. As a missionary, I recognize the responsibility that comes with representing not only God but also the community that is sending me. I have been overwhelmed and humbled by how my community has embraced this new call and accepted it as theirs to share. Perhaps it wasn't that God tricked me into being a missionary. Maybe I already was one. Maybe being a missionary doesn't mean leaving your home and expanding your gut microbiota. Maybe we are all missionaries... yet somehow it took sending me to Rwanda to realize this.
